We all go through break ups and heartache throughout our experiences of relationships and complicationships with other people, but there’s a thin line between “breaking up” and getting “dumped.” However, contrary to popular belief, getting dumped isn’t the end of the world. So don’t go home and finish that pint of flavored gelato while binging on Being Mary Jane episodes. Perhaps you should try to channel your aggression and frustration on other, more productive activities.
So you just got dumped, now what? Now is the perfect time for you to truly figure yourself out. With a man out of the picture and all those cuffing hours giving your schedule more availability, you can get back to the things that made you, you again. You were feeling like everything in your life is going well and then all of a sudden, happiness is simply stripped from you. So now is your time to engage in yourself, fulfill your needs, and be the best woman that you can be—not for your future bae, but for yourself.
Get your life! It’s not the end of the world and although it is cliche, there are definitely many fish in the sea. So that man who didn’t see your worth and thought that the grass was greener on the other side—offer him a job when you build your empire. There are so many reasons why being single is not just another lonely wrinkle in your time. It’s a great time for self-reflection and getting your self together. We spoke with two women about how they dealt with their worst breakups and here’s what they had to share…
PYNK Girl 1:
First, don’t drown yourself in sorrow. You can turn a break up into something positive. Maybe he wasn’t “the one” or maybe you two just grew apart and you probably dodged a bullet. When “Abby” went through her first bad breakup, she wasn’t too mad about the idea itself, she was more so mad at how her ex-boo handled it. After a petty argument, they didn’t speak for weeks. She would call him and text him and he wouldn’t respond. Then one day, while she was at work, she finally got a call from him. Looking for an apology or some type of reasoning as to why she was left in the dark, she was sadly disappointed by the end result. He said he didn’t think it was a good idea for them to continue this “unhealthy” relationship. He didn’t want to hang out and talk, nor did he want to speak about the issue in-person. A year-long relationship failed and she was dumped over the phone.
Abby did not fall into a state of depression. She was more bitter than anything else―not giving chances to any other man who came her way. Instead of falling into a pit of loneliness and investing with the first man she met, Abby began to focus all of her energy into her work, thus creating a workaholic. After realizing that she was tiring herself and adding unnecessary stress to her life, she soon began dating again. This time, taking it slowly.
There is a common misconception that women should not date multiple men at once, but it’s important that as women, we explore our options. Although she was not intimate with these men that she was dating, she was getting to know them in a new light. Instead of going on a couple of dates and falling in love, Abby removed her emotion card and maintained very friendly relationships with all those she was dating. Although Abby is still single, she has developed foundational relationships with some of the people she was dating. She discovered qualities that she likes in a man and now she knows exactly what she’s looking for.
PYNK Girl 2:
Bia was dating her ex for three years―the longest relationship she had ever been in. They were friends prior to the relationship and she fell in love before she even said those words. She met her ex in college and they were together up until their final year in school. Towards the end when Bia was nearing the completion of her secondary school, her then boyfriend began to make hints at marriage and living together in their schools town. Although Bia loved him dearly, she was not ready to take those next steps at such a young age.
After expressing herself and explaining that she wasn’t ready for that serious of a relationship, her boyfriend got angry, which led to his decision of either wanting all or nothing. With such a steep ultimatum, Bia was forced to choose the single road. After months of sobbing in her dorm room and isolating herself from friends, Bia decided to confess her love to her ex. To her surprise he was already in another relationship and she was told to move on. Her heart was broken.
She became envious of her ex; watching from the distance as he was praised by his other classmates, happy with his new muse, promoted in his campus job, and idolized by the incoming freshmen. But instead of permanently admiring from a far, Bia decided to invest in some of her own goals. After weeks of hiatus, cramming study sessions for finals, and rigorous research; Bia was finally able to achieve something that she had thought about since her freshman year. By the time she graduated, she was the founder of an organization on campus. All of her sadness was turned into fire, which fueled her journey of accomplishment.
It is true that women are extremely emotional beings, but we are also extremely passionate about what we want, whether it is a man or a dream. Abby and Bia are two very different women who have gone through two different situations, but the outcome and actions were the same. Channel that negative energy towards something more positive for yourself!