Love & Relationships

Open Thread: Is It Okay To Date Your Friend’s Ex?

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So you’ve met a guy and you two hit it off well. So you tell your friend about him and she reveals to you that the two of them had dated in the past. You didn’t know about their relationship because it happened before you and the girl became good friends. It’s a situation that comes up a lot on the single scene of young professionals, and in some cases you may want to start talking to a guy that you knew dated a friend of yours. Do you still continue talking to the guy for the possibility of a relationship with him or are you against “smashing the homies” exes? Here are some stipulations to when it would possibly be okay to take this friendship risk.

1. The girl isn’t a close friend. You two went to the same college and hang in the same social circle, but you two don’t hang out one-one-one and sip tea together. If there are a few degrees of separation between you two, you aren’t really obligated to give her all the details because you weren’t really in the know of their relationship.

2. The relationship has been over and both parties share no hard (or soft) feelings toward each other. If it was a situation where the two have completely moved on for mutual differences and can still be in the same room together without giving major side-eye, then there should be no animosity not too much awkwardness when you’ll step in a room together.

3. There’s no soft feelings lingering. This is important. If your friend still likes her ex, it will cause a rift between you two because she may still want him back. One person can’t still have hidden feelings because that’s stranger danger waiting to happen if given the opportunity to pursue a second chance at love from either person.

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4. You are honest with your friend. It’s one thing to date her ex, it’s another to hide it from her and let her find out the worse way possible in an attempt to not hurt her feelings. If you value the friendship with her and really serious about this guy you’re dating then you should have a conversation with her. Just don’t go tooo into detail with her about him. That might pinch a nerve.

5. Give her time to warm up to you two. It’s an awkward situation any way you look at it, but make sure to weigh your options before going in to this new relationship. Wait until you really see potential before announcing your courtship to your friend. Once she can see this isn’t a fling and that you two might actually be the better match than she and him were, she may give her well wishes.

Whether you’re in NYC or Tuscaloosa, Alabama, dating is a challenge. So it’s exciting if you meet someone. However, good friends are hard to find and sometimes you don’t want to create an awkward vibe the two of you by dating someone that may not even last. Decisions, decisions.

What are some scenarios you’ve encountered that would make it okay to date your friend’s ex?

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