As women, we have always been created to reproduce. And in order to fulfill this destiny of ours we must have sex. Yes, the passionate act of intertwining yourself with another being is what we were created to do. But, for those of us single women who are exploring our options to date, we self-consciously suppress our desire and want to be physically pleased on a regular due to the idea that a woman’s body count must be below a certain number in order for her to be viewed as a prize. But, lets take a step back as we decipher this idea of a woman’s body count.
The term body count is used in reference to how many people an individual has been sexually active with. This male constructed ideal is what has stifled us women for decades. The idea that counting one’s sexual partners to define a woman’s worth is what has caused so many women to shy away from being their natural sexual selves and exploring what it means to be a sexual being.
This construct has stemmed from cultural differences and historical barriers that for lack there of are heinous. For example, in early African traditions women were to abstain from sex and if they didn’t they were seen as unworthy of marriage because they were “used” and their bride price also known as dowry went down. Meanwhile, men were given the freedom to explore their sexuality and upon leaving their wives for voyages, war, or work they could entertain other women. Within the same tradition and Muslim religion, a man is able to have many wives with one contingency―that he treats each wife the same, but the woman is to remain faithful and submissive to her husband.
The historical myths of the chastity belt are grounded in keeping the woman “faithful” and “free of temptation.” It’s believed that the chastity belts were used to keep the wife from masturbating and sex while her knight was away at battle. Simply, another historical ideal that has played into this idea that a woman should be hindered in some way from exploring her right to have sex the same way a man is.
Now, lets take a step forward and evaluate how women of the 21st century are looked down upon when our body count exceeds a single digit number. Terms like “hoe,” “thot” and “slut” are sort of our remixed modern day version of the scarlet letter. If a woman exercises her right to be sexually free she is forced to wear these titles as if they were her legal name. And men―even when it’s unspoken―have a rule that a woman’s body count should never be a number the same as there’s or higher.
Why you ask? I wondered the same question, so I decide to ask my guy friends.
Some argued that it’s not the number that necessarily bothers them. It’s the idea that many men have experienced and shared the same things they have with the woman they care about. Whereas, others argued that a woman shouldn’t be sharing her body freely with many men because that makes her a hoe and no one wants to date a “loose” woman.
But, this is exactly where this double standard comes in. Men are able to have one night stands, have sex with married women, and have a Rolodex of sexual partners but women aren’t allowed to do the same. When a man acts on his sexual needs he is seen as the man who has it all. But when a woman takes on the same need to fulfill her urges, she is seen as a thot.
Where in society did we go wrong? Where in society did sex become taboo? When did it become unnatural for someone to live their lives without concern for the opinion and stigma of others?
As a #PYNKGirl you have the right to be PRETTY, POWERFUL, and PROVOCATIVE without being apologetic. Never apologize for exercising your right to fulfill your sexual needs. As long as you are safe and smart with the choices you make, who’s right is it to say you can’t?
You are not inclined to live by anyone’s rules or standards of what they think a woman should be. Forget about this double standard that was man’s way of keeping women in their pocket! Forget about keeping your body count down to please a man and make him realize your worth!
Simply, live your life for you and never hinder yourself because of the fear of these double standard rules.
Be a #PYNKGirl!
Photo Credit(s): Viralchamber,