When you’re defined as a “relationship type of girl,” the fear of dating becomes your biggest obstacle because the idea of starting over looms over your head as a constant reminder that your last relationship was a complete failure.
You become consumed with the idea of how your life was meant to play out with the white picket fence and the rock to sport around on your finger letting everyone know your life was perfect, just like a fairy tale. But once you’re forced to wake up and get back to your reality of starting over the dating scene becomes your new playground.
You get to mix and mingle with different men despite your awkwardness of not being on a date in a few years. And you get to step out of your comfort zone and experience new adventures to get your mind off the past.
A few months into dating around you channel in on one guy who has been able to keep your attention and has qualities you value. But, being the “relationship type of girl” you are, you secretly crave more. You want commitment, quality time, and monogamy. But, because you know he isn’t ready to commit you settle and act okay with him still exploring other options even though you know you are the one.
And at this moment, this is when the dating scene turned this #PYNKGirl cold.
My biggest mistake in this scenario was that just like other #PYNKGirls I know, I silenced my inner voice in fear of losing the guy I thought could be the one. I turned cold not because I didn’t listen to that intuition every woman has but, because at this moment I set myself up for those times when I was full of jealousy and anger because he was sporting his other dates on social media, the times when he would ignore my calls because he was out with other women he described as his “other options”.
The turning point of giving my all to whoever I was involved with meant I no longer viewed dating the same way. It forced me to be cold-hearted and lump all guys in the same category as objects that have a means to an end. I quickly became the type of person who had plenty of “options” of my own because everyone was disposable.
The popular idea that one guy could alter a woman’s ideals on love and relationships is so true, it’s scary. We all have had those men we consider lessons because we in some way, shape, or form, have altered who we were because of those lessons learned.
As woman, we are constantly bombarded with questions about our future and the main one’s centered around family and relationships. But, when you’ve become fed up with guys taking advantage of this new fad of having “other options,” love becomes a distant memory but more like a memory you hate to run across.
The idea of being turned cold forces you to push all guys away even those very rare good guys because of the fear of being played again. And the saddest part is that when you’re a good girl at heart who turns bad the idea of turning back seems unrealistic because you never want to be that vulnerable again. And when you find yourself wanting to be the good girl again you quickly snap back to your senses because those feelings of being someones option instead of priority quickly sets in.
And sure I get that dating is meant for one to explore their options and later settle down on the one who they find suitable to plan a future with but, what if this grey area of dating called options is exactly the thing that is keeping men and women alike from settling down? What if the Baskin Robins affect of many flavors has turned the dating scene into more of a altered world of judge free polygamy?
These exact questions posed are what has the ability to turn anyone cold when dating and the scary part of it all is, that no matter the answer to these questions once you’re a good girl turned bad you may be gone forever.
So I guess this is all centered on the idea that if you choose to explore the dating scene be cautious but open, be vulnerable but smart, be giving but selfish, be you and never silence that inner voice of yours.
Photo Credit(s): Weheartit, favim.