When dissecting relationships, it seems as though the feud between being in a relationship and being single has no right answer, but it is a decision that every person has had to make. Because this has been an ongoing discussion in the PYNK Girl club house, we asked a group of women about their opinions on the matter and whether they prefer being single or being in a relationship.
A wise Rom Com once quoted that “a woman has the exact love life that she wants” (The Wedding Date), which is a pretty accurate feat. The average woman wouldn’t admit it, but often times being single is indeed a choice—one that is made both selfishly and fearfully. Let me explain. We expect the man of our dreams to just land right on our door step completely chiseled, well-dressed, smart, handsome, funny, tall. And the list goes on. In reality, this man does not exist and unluckily for most women, we’ve had every trial and error in the book. We become selfish (not in a negative way) by investing 100 percent of our time into our careers, our families and our personal growth and we become fearful of ever falling for another jerk again. Well, all men aren’t jerks and a life sentence of selfishness will only leave you bitter and solus.
Woman A: Status “Single and dating”
“I think at this point in my life I prefer the “cuffed life. It’s because I think i’m at a point where I want to share memories and experiences with someone significant. Someone that I can go down the line with and be like, ‘remember when we took that trip to so and so?’… Spending time with friends is cool and I love it; that’s the beauty of being single. You can just do you without really having to consider anyone else. But when you’re in a committed relationship and you have to take in someone else’s opinion and perspective, it can help you grow as a person.”
Woman B: Status “Single”
“I enjoy being single because you can devote all of your time and energy to your own endeavors and not feel guilty for neglecting a partner or be affected and thrown off your game when/if they mess up.”
As a young woman, I found myself constantly enthralled with the idea of love. I would marvel in the possibilities of finding my soul mate in high school and then being together forever. Now, almost 10 years later, I look back envious of the majestic feelings I used to get when I though of relationships and sharing a part of myself with someone special. Those memories have been replaced with reality checks and boys who just weren’t ready. And although hope is not completely gone, what resides in this hole of uncertainty is a narrow view on love and relationships.
Woman C: Status “Long-term relationship”
“I guess I choose relationship because I wouldn’t trade what I have now for the single life. I prefer it because it’s like having a best friend, a partner, and a supporter all in one. I’ve grown a lot as far as being less selfish and learning how to communicate. When things go wrong I have someone there to help pick up the pieces and remind me that there’s better to come. I have a new family. I think the partnership, the support, and the intimacy take the cake. Being single was fun and easy. I only had to care about me and worry about me. I was self-sufficient in the sense that I took care of everything. I got to know myself and love myself. But there was a lot of BS that comes with being single and dating. Hence, why I just chose to be single and alone for a period of time. I found me. And enjoyed my company. Now, I feel like I know myself well enough to tackle life with someone else.”
Now that I have graduated from teenager to woman, I have replaced my fairytale version of happiness with real world programming like bills, working, and investing my time and energy into grinding for myself, by myself. Being single was simple, not easy. I didn’t have to worry about anyone checking for me, but at the same time, no one was checking for me―which was kind of lonely. Not lonely in a desperate way. However, I felt alone with no one to share my accomplishments and my struggles with. No one to call when I’ve had a bad day. No one to have an inside joke with. And no one to save memories with. The only plus side to this emotionless drought that I can recall was that I learned a lot about myself in the process.
Woman D: Status “Single”
“At this point in my 25 year old life, I would choose to stay single because it’s what I’m used to. I’ve been single longer than in a relationship. I partially felt responsible for my “other half.” Being single allows me to have the freedom to do what the F I want to do. I can meet new people, flirt with the masses, be the chosen friend to get pawned on multiple dates—if I’m up to it. I feel like I’m still discovering myself. If I was in a relationship now, I would probably allow them to influence some of my life decisions. I couldn’t just wake up and be like, ‘I want to move to Cali’ if bae is grinding on the east coast. I think I’m still in a selfish stage of my life where I’m living for my self now. But being single can be lonely. When you have bae it’s kind of guaranteed you have that person to share life experiences with and consistent affection. You look forward to the nice gestures—receiving and giving. A relationship is time consuming! Meeting someone else’s needs, constantly dealing with another persons personality. You can also waste a large portion of your life in a relationship and then they end up being the wrong one.”
Woman E: Status “Single”
“For me, I think I’d prefer to be in a relationship. After a while being single gets old. You need a main. And when all your other friends have bae, it’s third wheel city everyday. Being single is fun, but only when you and your friends are single together.”
As a recent inductee into the relationship club, I do believe that there is a time in your life that you need for yourself to breathe and grow; however, there is nothing wrong with growing in a relationship. Not every woman who stays single evolves into an independent powerhouse and not every woman in a relationship becomes a housewife. It is cliché, but it’s important to be able to identify your journey and make sure you continue to do whatever makes you happy.
Photo Credit(s): Getty Images