Love & Relationships

The Real Reason You Don’t Have A Man

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With Father’s Day around the corner,  I’m preparing myself for the overload of social media posts paying homage to single mothers because of the lack of positive father figures.  Are daddy issues really a social norm? Do we all suffer from daddy issues of some sort?

I recently went to see “The Color Purple” on Broadway. (Which was amazing btw).  One issue that remained consistent in all of the women were inadequate father figures. From Celie’s father contributing to her mental and physical abuse,  to Miss Sophia growing up fighting the men in her life and later accepting domestic abuse from her husband, to Miss Shug Avery’s alcohol problem and craving to feel love from her father all contributed to their lack of self love and worth.

A father is the first male experience a woman has and the relationship and communication with him dictates the way she acts and treats men. I’ve learned through my failed relationships and pushing men away started with the up and down relationship with my father.  

 

Here are 5 reasons your daddy issues may be keeping you from having a man.

1. Problem: You’re  clingy. You like checking his messages or popping up unexpectedly.  You’re  jealous and overprotective. You’re always asking about other women.  You want him around all of the time or want to know his every move.

Reason: This is an indication that you may abandonment issues.  You’re afraid that your guy will leave you just like your father did.   Your smothering issues are stemming from the lack of a consistent relationship with your father causing an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with any guy you date.  

 

2. Problem:  You want constant attention. You’re constantly asking him to tell you how he feels about you. You feel the need to always want affection.  You get validation from men telling you that you’re attractive.

Reason: The constant need for gratification is developed from the lack of affection from your father. It may be because your father never told you he loved you on a regular basis or because he was emotionally unavailable.

 

3. Problem: You’re attracted to older men. You like older men because they provides a sense of authority or stability.  

Reason: You may be yearning for authority and are  subconsciously craving a father figure more than a boyfriend.  You want authority to compensate for the lack of your father’s security and stability.   

 

4. Problem: You’re always in a relationship.  You don’t like being alone.  You move from man to man because of failed relationships. You would rather remain in a dysfunctional relationship than be single.

Reason: The inconsistencies of your father being in and out of your life are causing a slight fear of being alone.  You are craving stability in your life and are looking for someone to fill his shoes.  
5. Problem: You’re sexually aggressive. You feel that sex is power. You feel loved when you are having sex with a man. You sometimes engage in pain and domination to satisfy your sexual cravings. You’re detached from your emotions.

Reason: The lack of attention from your father may cause your self esteem to be based on whether or not a man wants you sexually. Your father never taught you the importance of respecting your body. Your subconscious mind is tricking you into thinking you are being adored and loved through sex.

How to fix your daddy issues.

  1. Accept your past and forgive your father for his shortcomings.  
  2. Know that it is not your fault he didn’t love you the way you deserved to be.  
  3. Understand your role in how you accept love from the men you date.
  4. Love yourself first and know that you are worthy of love.
  5. Don’t use your body to overcompensate for the lack of attention.
  6. Honor your mind, body and soul .
  7. Start your day with positive affirmations.

You can’t change your past, but you can change the way you view yourself, your future, and the men you attract into your life.

 

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