Confessions of The Childless Black Woman
Being a Black woman is stressful because we're inundated with images of what perfection looks like. We're constantly having our existence questioned despite being trendsetters in every capacity. Our emotional well-being has been shaken to its core. However, we're combating the negative tropes with grace. There was a scene in the new show " Bel-Air" that inspired this piece. Honestly speaking, it attests to how single women feel.
We're told how to dress, act, and carry ourselves to become a wife or suitable mate. No one prepares you for when things don't work out. There was a scene with Will's mother explaining the demise of the relationship with his father. This was extremely painful to watch because it's become a reality for too many women. Broken homes and the child is asking questions that we don't have the answer to. Yes, there has to be accountability on both sides for the demise of a relationship. However, it shouldn't be so ugly or toxic that either party wants nothing to do with the other.
It's painful to see because this child is looking for answers. It's commendable that she never bad-mouthed his father while he was growing up. Which is something that isn't highlighted by single parents. Only bitterness is showcased in our community which is sad to see. This brings me to my point on interactions with the opposite sex.
This is something that's not verbalized while dating, people's true fear of dissolution of relationships. Speaking for myself, I don't ever want to cause this type of pain to my child if I can help it. I was raised in a two-parent household, and it makes a difference in the upbringing having both parents in the home. Especially if it's a healthy marriage. I can honestly say I witnessed genuine love and stability. Therefore, I feel like I owe myself and my potential child the same. Children don't ask to be here, the least we can do is be healthy functioning adults to give them the best shot possible.
Yes, there should be accountability on both sides. This isn't a bashful piece just trying to spark conversation. Why doesn't anyone speak on the ramifications of not playing nicely? Our actions affect others greatly when we don't resolve our conflicts.
It's so many relationship experts telling you how to attract the opposite sex but there's no one promoting healthy relationships. No one wants to do die alone or raise a child alone. This is why I truly feel so many women are choosing to have children later in life because they carry that burden of loneliness and heartache when it can be avoided.
Tupac said it best there is no worst feeling than explaining to a child why their father doesn't love them. Where's the disconnect? How come there are so many damaged parenting relationships. Why is this glamorized?