Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Mother

It takes a village to raise a child. 

No, seriously. I cannot tell you how true this statement is. Unfortunately, for many new moms, the village may not be easily accessible. Over the years, families have migrated across the country so you may not have relatives near after you give birth or you may be entering motherhood without a life partner. If either of these sound like your circumstances, then you’ll have to find a village. Some of this will happen naturally. You may have friends that become an integral part of your child’s life. Or you may make new mommy friends. Either way, find your tribe. You’ll need one. Not only for the sake of enhancing your child’s life but for your happiness and sanity as well. 

 Motherhood can be extremely isolating. 

Becoming a mother is a life changing event. As such, your relationships will shift. You may even lose some friends. But it’s par for the course. You are literally shedding an old life and stepping into a new one. Like they say, people come into your life for reasons and seasons. You’ll start to notice that those whose season is up in your life will gradually fade into the background. There will be times when you feel alone. But you are not alone. You will start to bond more closely with women who can understand and identify with your new journey. 

 Mom guilt is inevitable. 

Whether you stay at home. Work from home. Or work outside of home, you will experience mom guilt. No mother is immune to it. It strikes at the most peculiar times. You could feel it after you’ve spent a small fortune on your child but see a dress that you’d like to buy for yourself. It doesn’t matter if the dress is only $20. You will guilt yourself into thinking that your child needs that $20 for another toy or something of the sort. You will think to yourself “how dare I even consider buying something for myself”. But let me tell you, SAY EFF THE GUILT AND BUY THE DRESS. Remind yourself when you feel like this that you’ve been doing everything possible to make sure your little one is taken care of, so you DESERVE the dress. Call it a form of self-care. 

Breastfeeding is a marathon, not a sprint. 

Nobody and I mean nobody at all prepared me for the challenges I would face in my breastfeeding journey. I somehow thought it would be easy since everyone seems to do it. But it wasn’t for me. I gave birth to my twins and instantly ran into issue when I realized both were tongue tied and one was also lip tied. It was painful and frustrating. I didn’t feel like I was producing enough milk for both of them and I had no one to ask questions or to at least encourage me. Knowing what a I know now, I’ll say…hire a lactation consultant. Ask all the questions. Seek help when necessary. Join mommy groups to get recommendations on the best pumps. Have the lactation consultant teach you how to hand express. I was green. Very. You don’t have to be. 

 F*ck snapping back. 

Do yourself a favor, beloved. Ignore the societal pressure to “snap back” immediately after giving birth. You just grew and birthed a whole human being. Or if you are like me, two! I know, I know your fave celebs have done it and blah blah blah. Let me tell you something. Your fave celebs are lying. Your fave celebs either had surgery or damn near killed themselves in the gym and practically starved themselves all for the glory of posting a snap back pic on IG. Don’t be that girl. Queen Muva, Beyoncé was over 200 lbs after she gave birth to Rumi and Sir. And guess what she said in ‘Homecoming’? That she pushed herself way too hard trying to lose weight and that she would never do that again. So, don’t worry. Be yonce and give yourself some grace. The weight will come off in due time. For now, focus on adjusting to your new journey and loving on your baby. Believe me, there will be enough to stress about. 

Having a child will make you question all you thought you believed about life. 

I thought I knew for sure what kind of mom I would be before I had children. I thought I knew what my life would look like. I thought a lot of things that quite frankly, make me laugh now. Having children changed my perspective on almost everything. The stakes are higher now, mama. And with higher stakes come a new abundance of caution, a new purpose, and more surprises than you can dream of. So, be open to changing your mind, learning and unlearning things, and evolving past what you previously believed was possible.

 You will have to fight to not lose yourself. 

Motherhood takes so much time and energy that especially during the fourth trimester, that you’ll likely find yourself feeling disconnected from the woman you were pre-motherhood. Let me first tell you, this is normal. But it’s not impossible to get back to her. Start by doing the small things like engaging in a hobby you enjoyed before becoming a mother at least once bi-weekly. Get your hair done or take time out to get your nails done. Work on a passion project. Even if it’s only an hour a week. 

 You will at some point be the mom with the child who is throwing a tantrum in public. 

Listen, I know you think you and your child will be exempt from this. But you won’t be. At some point, your cute adorable baby will turn into the Earth’s most terrifying creature…a toddler. And with their new sense of independence and curiosity for…well, everything. Your toddler will undoubtedly push every limit that you have. So, now is the time to maybe order some patience on Amazon. Preferably in bulk. You’re going to need it.